Updated: Aug 15
I’m not “religious”. I tried; I tried Catholicism, Christianity, Muslim and Episcopalian. And I always found myself unfulfilled and even more jaded than when I started my search. A country founded on religious freedom, how did we get here? I’ve had an abject fascination with religion. And I found it to be a love hate fascination with hate being the main sentiment.
I feel phony saying “Happy (insert random religious holiday). I was so happy when society switched to “Happy Holidays”. The uproar of taking “God” out of Christmas was reminiscent of people who are now in an uproar about “Race”. The assumption that we should not acknowledge or talk about people’s differences always felt not only egocentric but obtuse.
I have family who are Muslim, not Nation of Islam, but traditional Muslim. What about them? It was not fair to them that a blanket assumption be made about their “faith”? Of course because we’re “Black” we HAVE to be fire and brimstone Christians. We should have on our Easter best and be ready to show off our pastels and passion for GOOOOOOD! But not so fast! Not me. I look good in pink but on my terms. Not in church on a Holiday that always felt performative. Showy. Fake. The kisses the hugs the service…I frequently rolled my eyes in my head. The Pastors? Flawed demons in my eyes. Touching, groping, grabbing. Makes me sick to think about the unwanted looks, comments and then the “promises”. “You would look nice in a new coat.” Or the one who promised me a car if I allowed certain “liberties”. Devils. Demons. Representing the same “God” that was used to justify a continent of peoples’ rape, auction, murder, inferiority, suppression, suffering. Which is all adjacent to the JOY we’ve fashioned from NOTHING but “hope”. I guess that White God gave many hope. And people laughed when Ruby prayed to “Black Jesus”. (Cultural reference insert ABC’S Black-ish) But I’ve always been told that Jesus was Black. My grandma said, “I ain’t praying to no White man.” I would laugh. But I knew she meant it. She said White men were the root to all the Worlds’ problems. And that White women could solve them but they liked the power. Pretty insightful for a woman with an 8th grade education.
I didn’t have the traditional religious upbringing, my grandma knew the Bible, my mother went to church but we were not bought up in a Church Home. I have no affiliation to any particular church. Barely know the Pastors’ names unless they are demigods all over the news for one performance or another. Narcissistic creatures these men and women of the cloth.
I think precocious curiosity made me a jaded individual at 8. I inhaled, ingested books beyond my years. Greek Mythology, African Proverbs (Aesop Tales), and anything else I could get my hands on. I knew at 8 that Black Americans were polytheistic prior to enslavement. I knew that religion was used to keep us in”line”, in fear, and ultimately in bondage. But now it’s supposed to be our “salvation”? Thank you I’ll pass. I’m supposed to pray to the same God White Christian’s pray too and are using to manipulate the suppression of humanity? Black, trans, women, children…humans. No regard for all life and more White patriarchal heavy handed “ruling” will not allow me to align myself with their God. Because according to Christianity it’s only 1 God right? And we are to follow the word and not the man? But these flawed men are interpreting the word and using the Bible for their own purposes and that’s supremacy. Supremacy over people, supremacy over women, children.
White Christian Supremacy has led to Black Christian misogyny. Women not being “allowed” to exhibit dual masculine and feminine energies when I know that dual spirits are a part of African spirituality. I rarely come across these so called God fearing men calling out MEN. It’s always what women aren’t doing, should be doing. And my soul will not perish because I don’t subscribe to traditional religions. Or reply Happy Easter, Merry Christmas or any other religious platitude. I have aligned my Chakras , centered my Chi, prayed to the Universe. And now I just live laugh and care for my Fellow Person. But I’m polite in peoples’ assumption that the middle aged slightly over weight Black woman is “a God fearing woman”. I fear no MAN…I respect all and most importantly, the world would be a better place if God were believed to be a Black woman. With a cape. On a unicorn.
Happy Sunday Ist Day of Spring Somebody’s Birthday. And get it right I am agnostic not atheist. I pray ro Alease, my grandma.